I am going to preface this post by saying this is not a woe is me..poor me, no one loves me, post! This is something that I have struggled with for years that I feel like finally the light bulb has clicked on for me! Maybe this will encourage people that have felt inadequate at some point in their life. I have moved around a lot in my life... I am 26 and if I were to do some quick addition I have moved.. roughly 12 times. I am a friendly person, so I don't have a problem making friends... just making them stick around:) In most aspects of my life I have a "I don't care if you like me or not so deal with it" kind of attitude until it comes to my friends. I think a lot of my insecurities stem from high school. I had a rough time in high school with some mean girls that at one point had been my best friends. They just turned on me one day.. I went from having a great group of close friends, to being totally alone. Because of that experience I really want people to like me! I know that there is nothing wrong with that.. UNTIL... my identity and self worth is wrapped up in my friends and how "others" make me feel. I try SO hard to be a good friend, but it never seems to be enough. I am the person that the people I consider to be my best friends don't consider me to be theirs. People like me for a while.. then they move on... It makes me never feel good enough. The other night I was lying in bed, sad, wishing I had a friend that liked me as much as I like them.. when it HIT me! I should not be looking to friends for acceptance and self worth. God is the only One that will never disappoint me and will ALWAYS love me! It is nice to have friends and be liked, but I don't have to fall apart when I don't feel loved or appreciated, b/c the only person that can fill that void in me is God! NOt to mention, Satan knows my weaknesses and plays on those. I am sure a lot of what I feel is in my head.. So i have decided.. as of today... Satan will no longer make me feel worthless b/c God thinks I'm priceless!

BT and I just celebrated our 4 year Wedding anniversary! I'm sure most of you know how me and BT (my hubby) met. My parents were missionaries in Brazil for most of my life and every year all of the MK's (missionary kids) ages 13-18 would go to camp. It was just a time to hang out with our friends and listen to amazing speakers and amazing music. Well.... My senior year in high school, the speaker (who was a friend of the family) brought BT with him to lead worship at the camp. We met then but nothing ever came of it for 4 years! An incredible chain of events had to take place for us to end up together. It was definitely meant to be and God's timing and plan was perfect! We just celebrated our 4 year anniversary and I love him more every day. Do we have the perfect marriage... No, far from it. We have disagreements and at times want to rip each others heads off.. but there is NO ONE on this planet I'd rather fight with:) BT is an amazing husband, father, youth pastor, son, son-in-law, provider, leader, and example. He is my best friend and he loves me at my best and at my worst. In the past 4 years we have made some incredible memories. We have taken fun vacations...we've built a house...But by far the most amazing memory yet...is the day Presley Kate was born. Tomorrow she will be 7 months old and she is the most perfect baby in the world and just looking at her makes me love BT even more. I had very high expectations for BT b/c my dad was the best dad a girl could have... and he has not disappointed! BT is great with her and she has him wrapped around her little finger already and I know that 26 years from now she will be telling someone how she had the most amazing dad that a girl could have! Thank you Lord for my Precious Husband BT!

How often do you pray? Do you use it as a last resort? Do you only use prayer to ask God for things? "…The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective" (James 5:16). It is a way for us to communicate with God, to strengthen our relationship. More often than not, we use prayer as a "well nothing else worked," when we can't "fix" our problems on our own. We try everything in our power, when that fails, we finally turn to God. We choose to worry which changes nothing, instead of pray, which changes everything.

One thing people don't really talk about before they have kids is how much you sacrifice for them. Presley is only 5 1/2 months old and I have already sacrificed a ton! I am not saying that this is a negative thing, just something I have never thought about. First-you sacrifice your body (try as you may.. it will NEVER look like it did before!) 2nd- you sacrifice sleep (sleeping in becomes a faint memory). 3rd - (at least for me)... my sanity! And the list continues: me time, date night, long relaxing baths, free time, extra cash, sick days, hanging out with friends after 9 pm, doing anything quickly, and eating spicy foods or dairy (they upset Presley's stomach). These are just some things I thought of off the top of my head. Nothing is about you anymore! The moment your baby is born it becomes all about this new little person in your life and immediately your focus shifts from being completely selfish to completely selfless. On days when I am exhausted and dragging myself out of bed, or I am missing out on hanging out with friends b/c I have to be home for Presley's bedtime... I look at her and can't imagine my life without her. I would sacrifice everything for her! When I think about it like that, they don't seem like sacrifices anymore.

The past couple of days have not been super exciting. Presley went to the doctor, she weighed in at a hefty 18lbs. 9oz. (96th percentile) She got 2 shots, which was a huge ordeal for me. When Presley was first born I had decided she was not going to be vaccinated at all. But after talking with BT, he said he would feel more comfortable if she did get her shots. He brought up very good points. We do travel out of the country.. etc. Me being the submissive wife that I am..(haha! I think that would make BT laugh:) I agreed that for us, that would be the best decision. On a side note those of you that don't know BT very well, he is very laid back and doesn't express his opinion very often. He knows how much joy I get out of being in charge so he just sits back and lets me make the decisions... that being said.. when he DOES express his opinion, I KNOW that it must be important to him and I take it seriously! However, Presley is on an alternate vaccination schedule. She didn't get any shots until she was 4 months old.. and she will only get 1 or 2 per visit. Deciding that this was the best option for us does not make it any easier. As a parent, seeing your child in pain is the worst possible feeling in the world! When it came time for Presley to get her first shot, I started feeling very dizzy and nauseous. BT was like, "I can't watch this!" So I held her hand and watched her scream louder than I ever have. I wanted to take her pain away, but I couldn't. I knew that in the long run this would benefit her (keep her from getting sick) but she didn't know that. I am sure in her mind she is thinking why would mommy just sit here and watch this happen to me, doesn't she see that they are hurting me? I wished I could explain to her that I was trying to keep her from further pain. I wonder if God feels the same way? When he allows things to happen in our lives that are painful. We don't see the big picture. We do not see how this pain or struggle will benefit us in the long run. We just sit there and ask God how he could allow this horrible thing to happen to us. I am sure God hates to see us in pain just as any father or mother hates to see there child in pain. But He knows that this momentary pain will benefit us in the future.

I'll be the first to admit it... I am a negative nelly.. a glass half empty kinda gal. I can find the negative in ANY situation! The most amazing thing can happen and I will find the one less than perfect detail and focus on that. I am not proud of this at all.. I have tried and tried to fix this character flaw..... but it is really hard for me not to complain and focus on the bad. The worst part is.. I have absolutely nothing to complain about! God has always provided for all my needs. I have never wanted for anything! I grew up as a pastor's kid, then became a missionary kid, and now I am a pastor's wife... We needed something and God provided it. I have witnessed and experienced the provision of vacations, money, cars, houses, friendships, and jobs. Growing up, I never knew that we didn't have a lot money.. no clue! We had everything that we ever needed! However, I still found a way to complain.. "Ugh! My blow dryer won't plug in at this hotel in Paris!" (ridiculous I know!) Every now and then, God reminds me that I have NOTHING to complain about. I have an amazing family, house, church, friends, health, a car and a God that provides for all of my needs. I will continue to pray that my half empty glass becomes half full.. that my negatives become positives and that I become the type of person that can ALWAYS find the positive in every negative situation!

Ugh! I hate winter, I hate snow, and I hate to be cold! In Northern KY where I live, it is all those things now.. FREEZING cold... and a foot of snow. The bad thing about living in the north, not only is it SUPER cold in the winter and snow alot.. but when it DOES snow... life keeps going! Down south, you so much as see a flurry and schools shut down, offices close and life gets put on pause. Everyone FREAKS OUT! Up here.. they pour a little salt out, run the snow plows and say "be careful out there!" They EXPECT you to get out in this stuff! It is simply miserable! You get out of the car and get snow ALL over your pants.. that snow turns in to water once you finally get into a heated building.. then you are drenching wet! Your clothes are wet, your hair is wet and you can't feel your nose so, more than likely, you have snot running down your face! Not fun.... or attractive! I like giving myself snow days.. when it snows, we stay in, watch movies and Presley and I stay nice and warm. I am ready for it to warm up, so we can get outside! Walk around the neighborhood, go to the park, swim... all the fun things that spring and summer have to offer! As I am writing this, I am sitting on my couch, with a blanket and a heater pointed right on me.. Praying for warm weather! :)

"You better enjoy every minute, they grow up so fast.... Next thing you know she'll be graduating high school" that has always sounded like such a cliche to me..something I heard a million times while I was pregnant and I just nodded politely and smiled... but now I am acutely aware that it could not be more true! Presley is 4 and a half months old and has already hit so many milestones.. smiling, talking (gaga, mamama, nanana.. not real words of coarse!) laughing, reaching for things, holding things, lifting her head, holding her head up, sitting up, standing (assisted) recognizing voices and faces, putting her paci back in her mouth on her own, and physically growing! We tend to take all these things for granted! Yes, we acknowledge them when they happen, but after that it becomes the norm. Presley has just started wearing size 3 diapers. This was truly traumatizing for me.. she has gone up 4 diaper sizes in 4 months! As I put on her last size 2 diaper I was tearing up.. my little girl is growing up so fast! In my mind she might as well have been pulling out the driveway on her way to college! It is like Christmas.. (i know this is weird.. but stay with me) Every year.. in October as I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR.. I always say to myself, " this year I am going to REALLY enjoy Christmas. I am going to make the most of it.. soak in every minute, live it to its fullest and make this Christmas more special than any other year! I don't want to look back at Christmas and be sad that it passed by too fast" And so you know what happens? Every year, December 26th rolls around and I'm like dangit... I didn't soak it all in... Christmas came and went and I didn't enjoy it as much as I could have! I blinked and it was over! That is how I feel about Presley.. I have the best intentions of making the most of every day, celebrating every milestone and memorizing every moment.. but next thing you know.. I turn around and Presley is 5 months old and I haven't enjoyed every second as much as I should! It is just the daily grind that I am trying to get through with my sanity still intact! I don't want to look back and regret taking my days with Presley for granted. I fell so incredibly lucky that I can stay home with her and actually be a part of every milestone. So from this point on, " I am going to REALLY enjoy every moment with Presley, soak in every minute, live it to it's fullest, not take it for granted and make every day more special than the day before!" I hope:)

: )

It has been a hectic couple of days to say the least... On Friday, BT, Presley and I traveled to Louisville for the night for one of BT's friends 30th birthday. We had a great time! Presley made all of BT's friends want to have babies.. she has that effect on people b/c she is so happy and easy going! We had to hurry back on Saturday b/c BT had to get to work. He is a youth pastor at 7 hills church and he was baptizing for the first time.. so he needed to practice:) Once we got home, me, Pres and my mom went shopping for a new couch. I am giving my couch to my sister (the one getting married in May) I want a darker one so as not to show all the spit up and etc. I am a little bit OCD about dirt, and my current couch is really light, which was fine for me and BT, but not super kid friendly.

oh goodness...The last week or so has been pretty rough. I am pretty sure Presley is getting her teeth. It is a nightmare.. she fusses during the day and screams at night.. no one is getting much sleep around here. Poor little baby, she has no idea what is going on she is just in pain! I wish I could fix it. Today I am breaking my diet (more on that later) for the BEST fried chicken in the world. The place where I had my reception has recently opened up a small room and has an all you can eat buffet during the week. It is becoming kind of a tradition with my in-laws... 11:30 on Tues. BRIARWOOD! Tonight, I am having my dad over for dinner b/c my mom is in Chicago doing wedding stuff with my sister Danalee (who is getting married May 28th).

OK... So it is 2010... This is my first blog ever so I only find it appropriate to start my first blog of the new year with goals!!! I have TONS of goals for this year. First and foremost to be a worthy example for the Lord. Second to be a better wife, mother and friend. Thirdly to be more patient.. WAY more patient and to learn to relinquish control. There are plenty more.. those are the main ones...